Many DMs strive for perfect balance in a Dungeons and Dragons encounter. You’d think, then, that the best fights in D&D are those where the opponents are equally matched. This isn’t always the case. Sometimes, the unexpected landslide victories are the ones that go down in history. D&D, like life, can often throw a spanner in the works. Or, in the case of my campaign, a magical cabbage.
Let me set the scene for a story that, in my Wild Beyond the Witchlight campaign, is known as ‘The Cabbage Incident’. I, along with my fellow players, had been gleefully exploring the Feywild for several out-of-game months. The power of friendship had gotten us pretty far, but we were about to face our biggest challenge yet – a powerful hag by the name of Skabatha Nightshade.
Why we were opposing Skabatha isn’t important (and is a bit of a spoiler for a DnD campaign you might want to play, anyway). What is key is the fact we’d been playing pretty politically up until that point, so we had a lot of freedom to explore her home before any violence occurred. That included a goblin market stationed right outside her house – one that sold all manner of vegetables.
The Cabbage Warhead is a homebrew item by Rudok’s Tavern. As an action, you can throw the DnD magic item in a 60-foot-long, five-foot-wide line. The nearest creature in that area makes a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw.
If they pass, the cabbage assaults the next target in range. The first to fail the save finds the Cabbage Warhead wrapped around their features like a face-hugger. The cabbage proceeds to eat its victim, blinding them and immediately dealing 3d10 piercing damage. The damage repeats at the end of each of the creature’s turns until the cabbage is removed, usually by a successful Strength check.
With our purchase made from the Little Shop of Horrors, the cabbage sat in our inventory for a few more sessions. Waiting.
Eventually, we wore out our welcome in Skabatha’s home. It probably didn’t help that we staged multiple hostage rescues, which I hear that the Fey consider quite rude. Regardless, Initiative was rolled.
We were already extremely battered and bruised by previous encounters, and the party’s DnD Barbarian wasn’t at her peak performance (she was partially turned into an octopus scarecrow and was missing a limb – don’t ask). We also hadn’t intended to aggro an obvious boss this early on, so the odds weren’t looking good. But hey, all the best stories start with an underdog.
Most of that battle is a blur to me now. As the party’s primary healer, my DnD Druid was occupied with keeping the frontliners on their feet. Weapons clashed. Spells flew. Somewhere in the chaos, a round green vegetable became airborne – and Skabatha failed her saving throw.
In fact, she kept messing up rolls, repeatedly failing to claw the cabbage from her face as five plucky adventurers began to wail on her vulnerable body. The tides had clearly turned, and we charged at Skabatha, proverbial guns blazing.
“It was hilarious”, says long-suffering DM David Flanagan. “I was shocked that this character with decent Strength kept failing her ability check.” Flanagan admits they were also quite relieved, though – “the fight was getting very close at this point, and I wasn’t particularly aiming for a party death”.
Looking back on that moment, the players also remember feeling relieved. Will R says his octopus scarecrow Barbarian “wasn’t up for fisticuffs with a powerful witch – that cabbage saved Neryl a lot of hassle that day.”
In the end, Skabatha chose to teleport to safety rather than lose her life on the battlefield. The cabbage remained attached to her face as she disappeared from view. To this day, we don’t know if she survived the vegetable-based assault.
That rogue magic item might have killed off a key campaign character too early. It might have gotten us all killed. But among all those ‘maybes’ is a definite truth – we’ve never stopped talking about this moment.
Artificer and note-taker Tom says “As a lover of weird magical items, the magical cabbage lived up to all my expectations and more.” “A wonderful memory for this campaign”. DnD Sorcerer Lara says that her character was low on HP and traumatized by battle at the time, but “despite all that, the cabbage made both her and myself laugh incredibly hard. Utterly brilliant.” Our other Artificer, Tal Davis (who likes to make gunpowder from urine) had this to say: “Nerd got cabbaged, classic!”
Wonkily-balanced encounters often make for the best storytelling in D&D, and they’re often more deliberate than they first seem. “I do sometimes play up how ‘derailed’ my plans are for the players as it adds to their fun – even the nicest, most plot-attentive of players still gets a feeling of glee at surprising the DM”, Flanagan explains.
When asked how they feel about the 2024 Dungeon Master’s Guide encouraging DMs to offer more magic items, Flanagan says “I don’t think it’s something DMs need to prepare for, because this kind of surprise is a wonderful thing at the table. Obviously DMs should be mindful of what they put into players’ hands, but adaptability and the ability to react to player decisions are two fundamental skills for any DM.”
For something more official than a flesh-eating cabbage, here’s a review of the recent 2024 Player’s Handbook. Or, if you want to roll up a character for your own chaotic campaign, here’s everything you need to know about DnD classes and DnD races.
Source: Wargamer
