Personally, I’ve never thought about killing Mariah Carey. Hearing her screech “It’s tiiiiiiime!” every December has nearly driven me to despair, but not to murder. However, thanks to a fan-made Dungeons and Dragons homebrew, I’m considering letting my D&D character have at her with a sword.
The DnD homebrew in question was posted by Redditor Aviolafyre to the social media site on December 14. “I built Mariah Carey as a boss fight for my players”, they explain. “Every trait and ability is named after her songs.”
In the world of Dungeons and Dragons, Mariah Carey is a neutral-aligned, medium-sized humanoid. She has an armor class of 14 (thanks to “natural padding”), 127 hit points, and a speed of 30 feet. Her DnD size, speed, and agility aren’t particularly superhuman, but Aviolafyre has given her a Challenge Rating of eight.
This is down to her huge arsenal of abilities. Mariah has four innate traits, starting with ‘Shake It Off’, which allows her to automatically pass a failed saving throw twice a day. ‘Vision of Love’ means that any hostile creature within line of sight must pass a DC 14 Wisdom saving throw before they attack Mariah – otherwise, they must choose another target.
When Mariah deals psychic damage to a creature charmed by her, ‘Heartbreaker’ lets her regain hit points equal to the damage dealt. The creature is no longer charmed after this power activates.
Finally, and most devastatingly, ‘It’s Like That’ means that Mariah Carey will continuously sing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ while she remains conscious and has at least one hit point. The only way to Silence her is with a Wish spell – this is truly the homebrew design of a heinous mind.
Many of Mariah’s abilities are enhanced by the charmed condition, so ‘Obsessed’ seems to be her most important action. This forces one creature Mariah can see within 30 feet to make a DC 16 Wisdom save or become charmed (and incapacitated) for one hour. The target repeats the save at the end of its turn, but while charmed, it must move towards Mariah any time it is more than five feet away from the singer.
If charm doesn’t seem like the best approach, Mariah has many attack actions. ‘Touch My Body’ is a melee spell attack with +8 to hit, and it deals 3d6 psychic damage – or 5d6 to a charmed target. ‘It’s A Wrap’ is a ranged spell attack that can deal 1d4 slashing and 2d6 psychic damage to a target up to 60 feet away. The target must also pass a DC16 Strength saving throw or be restrained until the end of its next turn. Alternatively, Mariah can make three attacks as an action, with up to two of them optionally being ‘Obsessed’ attacks instead.
Mariah also has a nasty reaction, titled ‘Against All Odds’. If a creature within 60 feet tries to cast a spell while Mariah is singing (which, remember, is constantly), she can force them to make a Performance check against her own roll of the skill. If she beats the spellcaster, they waste their action but don’t lose a spell slot. Mariah gets a +11 to Performance, so good luck outshining her.
Last of all her gifts are her legendary actions. ‘Angel’s Cry’ can give the next attack against Mariah disadvantage, while ‘Big Energy’ lets her move up to her speed without triggering opportunity attacks. ‘Always Be My Baby’ lets Mariah Carey touch a charmed creature and force them to make a DC 16 Wisdom save, with them taking 3d10 + 5 psychic damage on a fail – or half damage on a success.
Aviolafyre shares more details about the proposed combat encounter in the original Reddit post, and it sounds delightfully nightmarish. “My players will soon be facing Mariah Carey as their Christmas boss. Yes, I intend to force them to listen to “All I want for Christmas is You” during the entire combat, hence the “It’s Like That” trait. Will my players still be my friends after this? Who knows!”
“Mariah’s 19 hit die are based on her 19 hit singles and her 30hp bonus is for her 30 album projects that she has released”, they add. “I promise I’m not a super fan, I just thought this was a fun idea.”
Want to roll up a character that could destroy Mariah Carey? Here’s all you need to know about DnD classes and DnD races. Or, for more horrifying homebrews, here’s a personal favorite of the Wargamer team – the dreadful Manman-man.
The feature image for this homebrew features a photograph by Raph_PH edited onto background art by Wizards of the Coast.
Source: Wargamer
